A New Dad at 40: The “Sweet Spot”

What was once a family of 3 (me and my 2 kids) turned into a family of 6 instantly when my wife and I got married. It was such a huge change from life the way it was before, but much welcomed. It seemed like the kids all ran around with each other and required just as much intervention for bumps, bruises and arguments as when I only had two.  Sure, we had our drama and rough patches, but all in all we were on a roll and things were piecing together nicely. What could possibly make it better? A baby… at 40??!!!??! Hahaha.  NO!!!!

Even with the joy I felt in our new family, having another child was a journey on which I did not want to embark. With all of the new financial changes, the “Kids out of the house” timeline I had secretly recorded in my head would be thrown off by at least 18 years if we had another child. After all, I’ll be like one hundred years old when it’s time for her senior prom! This idea did not sit well with me at all. It interfered with all of MY plans.

My wife, however, had other ideas. She really wanted a baby. She wanted to have a baby with me and knew I didn’t want one. We would talk and it would always end up with me saying “I just don’t feel like God is directing me this way.” The truth was that I wasn’t even listening to what God thought on the matter. I hadn’t prayed at all – I just didn’t want another child, period!

As time went by, I began to notice Karen really struggling with this. I decided to start praying about it and figure out what direction God had in mind, not just “Frank’s” direction. I talked to friends of mine that had kids at a late age, my pastor and family members.  After about 3 months of prayer and discussion, we decided to start trying.

I was 38 when the decision was made, 39 when the baby was born, and now I’m 40 with baby girl about to turn one! This experience has been just as unique and exciting as all of my children’s births. Like all of the kids before this one, I can’t fathom my life without her in it. Every crawl, every wobbly step, every sneeze or angry fit takes on it’s own little personality. I try to remember everything and now that we all have cameras on our phones, her childhood will probably be the best documented of all of them.

daddy-baby2 Mary_36 copy Baby at 40

If someone asked me what it was like to be a new dad again at 40, I would say, “In a way it feels like I thought being a grandparent would feel, only I can’t give the baby back to my kids and go home!” Seriously though, it does seem that I am in the “sweet spot” right now for being a new dad again. This time it has the flavor of wisdom, experience and the understanding that THIS is the last baby we will have.

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2 thoughts on “A New Dad at 40: The “Sweet Spot”

  1. When my husband walked out the door (almost) 5 years ago, I truly believed God started showing me that I would have another baby in my life. Seriously? I thought I was finished with all of that! I would see mothers at the mall trying to get out of the car… the strollers, the diaper bags, the crying babies! Really? I thought I was finished with all that!! My children were older and could now do everything by themselves! But God started softening my heart and I chose to trust Him completely for His plan! Even though my husband would later walk out the door a second time, he did return to our lives for a short summer. With that said, I now have my sweet Isaac Matthew who will be three years old next month!! The name Isaac was chosen because in the Bible, Abraham was promised his Isaac even thought the situation looked impossible (as mine did when my husband first left and God promised me a baby) and Matthew because it means “Gift from God”… so, my sweet baby Isaac is truly my Promised Gift from God!! He has brought such joy and healing to our family!! God knew how desperately we needed him! I was 38 years old when he was born with three teenagers aged 18, 16 and 13! We have experienced college visits while teething and potty training while helping a child learn through his twenties… and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world! I am so thankful that God’s plans are better than ours!! 🙂

  2. I can SOOOOOO relate! And I was THIS close to the next chapter with one about to graduate high school. I was so nervous about starting over but in our situation, my husband had no biological children and although he has been a dedicated stepfather, there is no comparison to your own offspring. After 8 yesrs of marriage and us both only steps from age 40, if we were gonna do it, the window was getting smaller. It’s been a life changer!! I will check back in when she turns one. Lol.

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