Have you ever heard a song that resonated so much with you that you almost feel like it was written FOR you? I put my earbuds in the other day to work on some photography and stumbled upon the song ‘Invincible’ by Kelly Clarkson. I’d heard it once before but something about the earbuds piping it directly into my ears while simultaneously drowning out everything else made me really LISTEN to it for the first time. About two lines in, I began to cry.
Six years ago – almost to the day – that was me. I remember the day that I found out my second marriage was over like it was yesterday. The cry that came from deep down in my brokenness sounded so foreign to me it was almost frightening. I’d never heard sorrow like that in real life before – only in movies. And here it was coming out of my mouth. It remains to this day one of the most painful experiences of my life, but also the most beautiful. I know what you’re thinking – that sounds weird and contradictory. My heart was broken, but it was also the moment when I felt the presence of God like never before. All those times I’d heard people talk about God meeting them in the midst of their pain – I was finally learning what David spoke about in the Psalms.
But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. -Psalm 3:3
My Teacher was teaching me about His great love for me, and for the first time in my life, I was truly understanding the depths of that love. It wasn’t until the will to construct the life I thought I’d wanted was broken, that I was able to completely surrender and let God do a work in me. He’d wanted for so long to show me that His love for me was greater than I thought possible, but it took hitting rock bottom for me to clearly see that I had been standing in my own way all along. It was at that moment that my life began as a blank canvas for the Artist to begin His masterpiece.
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. -2 Corinthians 12:9
It’s the kind of scripture you almost dread to hear, because understanding it means you have to walk through trials. But it’s such a sweet surrender. I’d been trying for 30 years to be strong in my own right. To do it myself. To be a “big girl”. It got me nothing but heartache and frustration.
For the next several months, I spent all of my free time steeped in His promises and praising the One that lifted me up out of the mire. Suddenly, all that mattered was what God said about me, not what others thought. Over time, I began to feel confident about what the future held, even if that meant I’d die a single mother. I fell in love with my Savior, and I was no longer ashamed to say it. I felt armed with a new kind of power – the kind that would allow me to face anything without crumbling under it’s weight. I wanted freedom from all of the things that had me bound. Freedom from insecurity, freedom from the sting of rejection, freedom from a fear of failure. Those things felt like shackles and I so desperately wanted to break free.
And now here I am – six years later – not where I want to be, but certainly not where I was. No longer bound by the shame of my mistakes, God picked me up, brushed me off, and gave me new hope. My life is far from perfect, but I rest in knowing that I can boast in my infirmities because the power of Christ rests upon me. And I can sing the hook of that song (albeit not as well as Kelly Clarkson) with an understanding because I’ve walked through fire and not only lived through it but flourished because I gave my battle to Jesus for HIM to fight. If you’re fighting a battle right now, give it over to the One who longs to make beauty from your ashes.
Now I am invincible
No, I ain’t a scared little girl no more
Yeah, I am invincible
What was I running for
I was hiding from the world
I was so afraid, I felt so unsure
Now I am invincible
Another perfect storm
And one more thing… I’ve linked the video to the song below. Put some earbuds in and have a good listen. God longs to do this in your life. You can be invincible in Him.